The Wife

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The  officer says, ‘ I  clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.’

The  driver says, ‘Christ,  officer I had it on cruise control at 60,  perhaps your radar gun needs  calibrating.’

Not  looking up from her knitting the wife says: ‘Now don’t be  silly dear, you know that this car doesn’t have  cruise control.’

As  the officer writes out the ticket, the driver  looks over at his wife and growls, ‘Can’t you  please keep your mouth shut for  once?’

The wife smiles demurely and  says, ! ‘You should  be thankful your radar detector went off when it  did.’

As  the officer makes out the second ticket for the  illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at  his wife and says through clenched teeth,  ‘F..k it, woman, can’t you keep your mouth  shut?’

The  officer frowns and says, ‘And I  notice that you’re not wearing your seat belt,  sir. That’s an automatic 75 pound  fine.’

The  driver says, ‘Yeah,  well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it  off when you pulled me over so that I could get  my license out of my back  pocket.’

The  wife says, ‘Now,  dear, you know very well that you didn’t have  your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt  when you’re driving.’

And  as the police officer is writing out the third  ticket the driver turns to his wife and  barks, ‘WHY DON’T  You shut the f..k up??’

The  officer looks over at the woman and asks, ‘Does your  husband always talk to you this way,  Ma’am?’

‘Oh no officer, only  when he’s drunk.’